I know it has been a few months since I’ve written anything but it has been a crazy few months.  I had two wedding showers, a baby shower, my god-son’s birth, the two weddings, two sick dogs, and starting the landscaping work.   On top of all of this, my modem wasn’t working over a month and I had to fight with my provider to give me a new modem because they kept blaming my computer for the problem.  UGHHHH.

Anyways, I should be writing more often now that I have the internet fixed.

This arthritis sometimes just takes over my life.  It’s not that I’m in any pain today.  I actually feel really good as far as my joints go.  Instead today, I am battling my iron deficiency as a result of my medication that is now Enbrel.  I have so little color in my face.  I am exhausted beyond belief even though I went to bed around 10:30 and up around 5:30 which is about hour more than usual.  I can’t concentrate on anything.  I am so irritable too.  I know I yelled at Little A yesterday for the littlest of things.

I feel like such a horrible mother when I get like this.   It usually takes me a week or so to figure out what is wrong with me because the symptoms of being tired usually come first, then the irritability, then lack of focus.

Well I’ve done really well.  The only charges I made with my credit card was for gas on the day I decided to this (so I’m not really counting those). 

$50.99 at Target (diapers, paper towel, Easter Bunny gifts (DVD, flowers to grow, and book), light bulbs, cat treats).  Used almost $8.00 in coupons

$11.38 at Sam’s Club (Cat Litter)

$18.00 Bath & Body Works (Moisturizing Hand Soap)

$20 worth of lunches for  the week

Krogers tonight:  need to spend less than $40.00 (using coupons) purchase only items that I need that are on sale.

Tonight or tomorrow night returning merchandise to Sears and Home Depot. 

The only thing I would change about last week’s purchases would be the money spent on lunches.  While I do believe that rewarding yourself by going out to lunch with co-workers once in while, I did it too much last week.

I must say it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.  I actually found myself thinking about the purchases.

he had to get his car fixed.  So Sunday came around and he took for a few hours.  She came back to me with no nap, a bump on the head and horrible tantrum that made me think my child was possessed by the devil himself.  I knew taking her for overnights wouldn’t last because something might come up.

Instead of giving up chocolate, sweets, or Facebook during this year’s lent, I am going to change my spending habits.  (I guess you could say that I’m giving up the ability to spend money I don’t have.)

Beginning today, I will only use my credit card for things I must have:  gas, food, toiletries.  I will not buy Little A any toys (except one thing that the Easter Bunny will bring for her).  I will not go out to lunch unless I have the cash, which I usually don’t.  I will not buy candy bars, or cute things that I might use only a few times.  And the number one thing, I will not buy new clothes.

If I’m going to get myself out of this nasty debt, I must start somewhere so why not start here.  If I can make it these 40 days without spending money I don’t have, I just might get rid of this debt by mid 2010.

First thing, I will call my credit card companies today to either cancel cards or lower credit limits. 

Wish me luck!  What are you giving up for lent?

First of all, I am shocked that the Father of the Year actually did keep his word and picked her up on Friday at school.  He took everything home with him including the stuff from the Valentine’s Day party.

My first night “off” in almost three years was very low key.  I did a few errands and took the dogs with me.  The J-Man stopped by for a little while as did my best friend.  Then I went out for a drive around 10 PM.  I didn’t make any plans for the evening because one I don’t have any money and two I wasn’t sure if she would make it through the night.  I also didn’t sleep one wink because the house was so quiet. 

I had be up and moving by 7 on Saturday morning because my new doors were being installed.  So it was very nice not having Little A home while they put in the new doors.  It was also very cold in the house and the animals were stuck in the bedrooms so they wouldn’t get in the way or sneak out. 

P.S. My new doors are fabulous.  I don’t see the light coming in around the jams, don’t feel the breeze 7 feet from the door, and they are so much brighter than the dark stained wood ones that I had before. 

P.S.S.  I am hoping that these new doors are also a metaphor for my life.  Since I’m opening new doors into my home, maybe new doors will open up in my life.  Maybe even the door to the man of my dreams. 

Little A’s dad called today.  We haven’t heard from him in a week.  He wants to pick her up from daycare Friday and bring her home on Sunday.  He has never wanted to do this.  He goes weeks without seeing or talking to her.  Then out of the blue he’s around for a few weeks.  Then he’s gone  again.

I know he’s only around again because I’ve made some comments on my facebook page about how he has been behaving.  His niece is one of my “friends” there.  So I think she’s spoken to him about being a poor parent.  Her kid’s dad does the same things to her.  The thing is talking to him only makes him a part of her life for a few weeks so they will  leave him alone.  To make them happy.  To make them believe that he is a good father.  I know this because that’s how he behaved when we were together.  You shouldn’t have to lecture someone on how to treat their loved ones.

How can he do this?  Sadly, our arrangements with the state allow him to take her over the weekends, but I don’t want to let him take her.  He doesn’t deserve to be a part of her life.  She is too smart, too pretty, and too sweet to have anything to do with him. 

I need some advice.  How do you handle the other parent taking your child?

What a lovely dinner!  One egg, a croisant, carrot, donut, and peas hot off the burner!

Little A loves cooking in her kitchen.  Her Little Tyke’s Kitchen was one of the best investments as far as kid’s toys go.  The kitchen came with only a few toys so I had to buy a set of plastic foods.  J-man’s mom bought her a set of dishes.  She got this kitchen almost a year ago and she’s still using it. 

So far her favorite Christmas present was the easel.  I found it in the LTD Commodities catalog for less than $30.  She uses it atleast once a day.  She’s learning how to draw smiley faces.   I’ll post a pic once she get’s it right.  I don’t want to embarass her anymore than I need too. 

What are your little one’s toys that stay around for a while?

 

 

One of the sales guys at work gave me two hair dryers for Little A.  So I showed her how they worked and left the room.  After a few minutes, I caught her in action.  She was even using a comb.  Cherry (the monkey) was an excellent client.  She sat very still so Little A could work.  Rosie was a little jealous of Cherry because she doesn’t have any hair for Little A to work with. 

I had to steal this from my facebook page because my hands hurt too much to post about anything else tonight. 

1. I love being a parent and all the craziness that comes from it.

2. I hate being a homeowner.

3. I miss being in school. I hated the homework but I enjoyed the environment.

4. I really don’t want any more drama in my life because I have enough dealing with Little A’s dad and the neighbor that is spying on me for him. I am also lumping in “keeping up with the Jones’s”, people “who know everything”, and “martyrs” because all of that causes drama.

5. I have already met my “soulmate” and the love of my life, but we had to split up for reasons that I can’t discuss here. We still talk everyday and wish we were still together. I really hope that things change for us.

6. My mind works way to quickly. When I am talking to people or typing a note, my mind is about 5 sentences ahead of what I’m saying or writing. This causes stuttering and many grammar errors.

7. I really wish I could have a clean house for more than 4 hours.

8. I really miss playing basketball and volleyball.

9. I really hate having arthritis because it has put a fork in some of my dreams such as jumping out of a plane.

10. I am finally learning how to cook. I have to thank my “soulmate” for that one because he taught me to experiment and make recipes my own. I am always so happy to hear Little A tell me that it “tastes good mommy”.

11. I really hate being the only single parent in my family. I am the only one who had a child outside of marriage to not marry or even be engaged to the other parent of my child. It is hard going to family parties and see both parents together helping their child.

12. I am shocked almost daily by people who tell me that I’m smart, because its not true. I just pay attention to details and research everything.

13. I have always hated Barbie. I don’t know if it is because her body is just not obtainable or that she is just boring to play with.

14. I really want to find happiness.

15. I hope to own a Mustang one day.

16. I love all of my animals and Little A, but I hate tripping over them because they are always up my a$$. There are days I have to tell everyone to give me some space. It is funny to watch them all scatter.

17. I wish I could use the bathroom at home without interruption!

18. I am on Humira for my arthritis.

19. I feel bad when Little A askes me if my “booboos” hurt today, then she kisses my knees to help them feel better.

20. I hate that I can’t help my daughter play on playscapes, chase after her, or take her to places that involve a lot of walking.

21. I have a special place in my heart for animals that have special needs. All of my animals have something wrong with them. Tia was abused or in a home that the man abused the wife. Charley was hit by a car and now has arthritis. Indigo’s knees don’t line up properly and her father is her brother from another litter. Skye is missing a leg and doesn’t like when you pet her with two hands.

22. I have low Iron which is a result of my medication so it makes me tired and irritable sometimes.

23. I have a blog that I keep private from all my family and friends. I have a gained a lot of single mom cyber friends that way that understand the stuggles I face daily.

24. I want to retire to Kentucky or Tennessee because the mountains are so beautiful. Little A, my “soulmate” and I went to Kentucky last August and we really didn’t want to come home.

25. I really hate filling these things out because it forces me to think. I do enough thinking during the day. When I come home, I don’t want to think anymore.