Posted by: Angie | October 19, 2009

Little A doesn’t want to go with her Dad anymore

Honestly,  I had nothing to do with her decision.  Little A has told me repeatly for the past few weeks that she doesn’t want her dad to pick her up anymore.  She doesn’t mind if he comes over to visit her here, but she doesn’t want to leave with him. 

Saturday, Oct 10 was his first visit since Aug. 29th.  It was six weeks between visits.  And I think it was six weeks prior to the Aug. 29 visit. 

We hardly talk about her dad, except to discuss how different families can be and how it is ok.  Like, Little A’s dad doesn’t live with us and he can’t see her that often, and that’s ok.  And how her cousins live with both their mom and dad, and that’s ok.  etc.

I really don’t know how to handle this.  It breaks my heart to hear that she has little interest in him.  But it is also a relief that she is realizing on her own that she can’t count on him. 

A little background:  Her dad and I were “together” for about a total of 3 years.  We were together a year and half before Little A was conceived.  He is 9 years my senior.  He lives with his uncle and I lived by myself.  There has always been 30 to 40 miles between us so we didn’t see each other every day.  I was completing my masters degree and he had his activities, so when Little A came along, I was hoping for a change.  I wanted to get married, live together, and raise our daughter together.  Our outside activities could still be a part of our lives, but not the main topic.  He saw things differently.  Never asked me to marry him,  wanted an abortion, tried to live with us, but couldn’t even cover our rent payment, while I paid for everything else including day care.  So we split.  Long story short, everything and everybody was more important than me, and now it’s Little A’s turn.   

 I learned to take care of everything myself.  And she learned that I do everything for her.  She’s a mumma’s girl. 

So my readers, how do i handle this one?  I don’t want to force her to see him, but I have to let him see her according to our agreement filed with the state.  I can’t deny him access to her.  Do I tell him this?  I have had many conversations with him about either being in her live or not because these long breaks between visits is hurting her and him, but it always makes me the bad guy.

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Responses

  1. Hi there,

    Sorry to hear about ur predicament.
    It is best to advise children that it’s not their fault that her parents is separated.

    And teach her how to respect her dad even there is nothing respectable about him. We dont want our children to grow up with much hatred and anger.


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